I am pretty sure being the mom of adults is bittersweet for everyone. I love that my children are all grown and can take care of themselves. However, I miss having my house full of little people running around. I miss the tiny fingerprints on windows, children’s books strewn around and listening to Barney on both the television and in my car daily.

Our children grow up and become adults and we are left with a quiet home. Sometimes too quiet. So leaving my firstborn in that airport was hard, probably harder than when she moved out. Bittersweet.

After my plane was in the air I decided to watch a movie. I felt great. Life was as close to perfect as it could get for me at that moment. I decided on watching Crazy Rich Asians. If you haven’t seen this movie, its hilarious and I recommend you watch it, like now.

Approximately fifteen minutes into the movie I started to not feel great. I was hot, the tops of my feet hurt and I just felt off. I requested a cup of ice chips from the flight attendant, which seemed to help for a few minutes. The last thing I remember is the sweet girl next to me asking if I wanted more ice chips. The next moment I came to and was on the floor of the plane with a man on top of me giving me cpr, and another man by my head talking to me. Apparently my heart stopped and I had been unconscious for about five minutes and no heartbeat for close to three minutes. I died. My blood pressure bottomed out, my heart stopped, I died. After numerous attempts to stabilize me an in flight doctor made the decision to emergency land the plane and get me off. I spent the next three days in Billings, Montana.

Everyone on the plane was extremely friendly. The two men who helped me were doctors. One was an emergency room doctor in Seattle, the other a surgeon in Seattle. There was also a RN present who helped to keep me calm. When you die on an airplane, it tends to cause some major anxiety!

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance once the plane landed. It wasn’t just cold there, it was bitter cold, -10 to be exact! Billings was in the middle of a massive snow and ice storm that would close the airport and ground all flights for the next two days, thus leaving me alone in the hospital in another state, I had no friends or family in Montana, but God provided both friends and family for me while I was there. From the hospital staff who would come in and visit with me, the airline personnel checking on me and a sweet friend of mine who has several friends in the area put the word out on her Facebook that I was in need, and the out pour of love and kindness was overwhelming.

My family tried in vain to get tickets to be with me, but I honestly think everything happens for a reason. I had time to reflect while in that hospital bed alone. Reflect on what is important, what I want, who I want to be and what I want out of my life. I had already laid the groundwork motivationally. I just needed to now figure out what I wanted for my career, my health, my relationships and what my goals would be in 2019.

During my time in the hospital I had three blood transfusions and two iron transfusions. Since I have been back home I have had two iron transfusions. My health has improved, but I will always suffer from chronic anemia and must be monitored for the rest of my life.

People talk about life being short, but in all honesty we don’t realize that our life could be cut short at any moment. Say the things you need to say. Forgive the people you need to forgive. Love your family and friends everyday as if its your last. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Give yourself permission to move on, to move forward and leave your hurt in the past. Believe me, you are worth it and it is so freeing when you finally let go of any negativity you have held onto.

I’m not perfect today. I still get upset, I leave my coffee cup in the bathroom (sorry Brie), sometimes I eat cold pizza for breakfast and Hershey kisses for dinner. Life is about living, loving and enjoying everything. This is my wish for you friend, that you are able to live and love freely in 2020.

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